I just finished re-reading Essay on Love by Alain de Botton and like always I want to kick myself in the face for reading another failed love story. Do I really need to have more fodder for the angst feeling I have for romance and love? But it is a beautiful novel about falling in and out of love. I recommend that anyone who wants an interesting book which is written in an interesting and new way to pick up a copy.

Spring always makes me think about love and companionship, but this might be just a reaction of my hormones going into overdrive....primal instinct overdrive to mate and procreate like my animal counterparts. This is where I admit my deep dark secret of .....*drumroll* I have signed up for internet dating. Ok please don't judge. I figure that I might as well give it a go. Since meeting people is not working out for me. I shall lull the men of the internet into a false sense of security and than BAM. Kidding! I promise. I am not quite sure why I am single since my friends and family assure I am not repulsive in the personality or physical sense.

I do wonder though the complete switch the men in my life undergo while knowing me. First, it begins in a way that leads me to believe that is not romantic and then POOF! Either I am boring or just not *Beep*-ble?

I would like to share with the few who read this blog a snippet of a conversation:

Man: so its not romantic.. but it is in a way, by itself
there's nothing we can do.. by its existance.. it is romantic

Can I say I still am not sure what that means? But since I am an unable to express my feelings I just let these things drop. So the point is I am not impressed with single life and I am tired of seeing everyone close around me in healthy and happy relationships. I mean...when I throw a dinner party for example, I AM the third wheel.

(ok this was not a pity party, I promise...it's all because of this song: I Can Just See Us Now