I haven't been this distracted by my thoughts in a long while. This of course happens whenever I'm trying to write a 15 page paper on the conception of the sublime. I have tried everything to keep my mind focused, turned off the punk rock and put on some soul and then turned off the soul for some prog-rock...nothing is working. My mind enjoys going into shut down mode during the last week of semester when everything is due and I should be at my most focused.

my new least favorite question: "How is a sexy girl like you single?" or any variant of it.



Back to the writing.

This is just silly.

So I have been slowly 'cruising' the internet dating and so far it's ridiculously terrifying. Ok hold your horses there, no one has stalked me or tried to get in my pants...that I have noticed. So update numero uno:

HYMS: Interesting, handsome and funny. What started as something interesting and flirty is beginning to feel forced. As in, it feels like I am forcing my attentions on this guy. We have yet to meet, so we'll see how that goes. If anything he seems like a decent fella.

CC: A nice francophone, who is "impatient to meet" me. I look forward to meeting him when school is a little less hectic. WE haven't talked much, but the times we have there are quite a few common interests.

BLP: Very interesting and nice guy. No idea where that's heading.

Men of the real world:

JMS: I think we're just friends. Seems like I might have missed the boat on that one. I should have taken my dad's advice on this one...
Dad:Ina why is it so hard for you to say how you feel?
Ina: I dunno. I guess I'm not sure
Dad: Say this, "You are a handsome man JMS, I like you. What do you think?" If he doesn't, no biggie Ina. He's still your friend"
my father the philosopher and comedian.


So I'm wondering if maybe someone could invent an "anti-shy" pill, I'd pop one everytime I hung out or spoke to one of these fellas. Also it's come to my attention through A. that I am not really dating I'm just dancing around the idea.

yeesh...


oh...on a date-less note, I am pondering some culinary work for the summer. I am being courted by a few establishments at the moments for some apprentice work. Let's hope it pans out...

Montreal has been all a flutter with the beautiful weather that is a little bit like the weather we have in July...HOT and SUNNY. It's been so beautiful which has made it unbelievably difficult to focus on my final paper for my CIV class....which is due Tuesday, yikes! That's okay I will sequester myself in the library for the next two days and finish it...hopefully!

My windows are open and the breeze is absolutely lovely. I am beginning to feel much better since the major thaw and increase in sun. I am looking forward to my summer living downtown which hopefully will be filled with late night walks and mini adventures. Who knows perhaps a little bit of romance?

I really need to do some spring cleaning...transferring my winter clothes for spring and summer clothes. My room looks like a tornado has hit ....but that's a normal occurrence during the last weeks before finals...






Listening:
Andrew Bird-Armchair Apocrypha
Reading:
Edmund Burke- "A Philosophical Enquiry into the Origin of Our Ideas of the Sublime and Beautiful"

I just finished re-reading Essay on Love by Alain de Botton and like always I want to kick myself in the face for reading another failed love story. Do I really need to have more fodder for the angst feeling I have for romance and love? But it is a beautiful novel about falling in and out of love. I recommend that anyone who wants an interesting book which is written in an interesting and new way to pick up a copy.

Spring always makes me think about love and companionship, but this might be just a reaction of my hormones going into overdrive....primal instinct overdrive to mate and procreate like my animal counterparts. This is where I admit my deep dark secret of .....*drumroll* I have signed up for internet dating. Ok please don't judge. I figure that I might as well give it a go. Since meeting people is not working out for me. I shall lull the men of the internet into a false sense of security and than BAM. Kidding! I promise. I am not quite sure why I am single since my friends and family assure I am not repulsive in the personality or physical sense.

I do wonder though the complete switch the men in my life undergo while knowing me. First, it begins in a way that leads me to believe that is not romantic and then POOF! Either I am boring or just not *Beep*-ble?

I would like to share with the few who read this blog a snippet of a conversation:

Man: so its not romantic.. but it is in a way, by itself
there's nothing we can do.. by its existance.. it is romantic

Can I say I still am not sure what that means? But since I am an unable to express my feelings I just let these things drop. So the point is I am not impressed with single life and I am tired of seeing everyone close around me in healthy and happy relationships. I mean...when I throw a dinner party for example, I AM the third wheel.

(ok this was not a pity party, I promise...it's all because of this song: I Can Just See Us Now

This will be short and sweet...
Last night I had the privilege to go see Henry Rollins. It was incredible...and such a nice man. A nice break from schooling!

Where is my political identity?

I've decided to take my studying to the nearby Starbucks instead of Cafe Myriade for a little while. As much as I love Myriade it's always packed and I feel bad staying there for 3hrs+. While here at the fast-food of coffee I can keep drinking tea for a lot less and I feel no remorse. So I have been doing my Marx reading for my class tomorrow and I am totally captivating by The Manifesto of Communist Party, especially part II "Proletarians and Communists". By no means am I a Marxist or Communist but I do see the merit in some of these ideas.
I've had a small epiphany of sorts tonight....more like crisis. Where do I stand in the political spectrum of ideas? It's quite a shock to realize that for about ten years now ( 13yrs old is where I became an adult in my religious community, so this is where I feel I began to develop my own personality...) I am one of those politically apathetic people. I don't think it's because I hate my government or politics in general but more that I am not sure what political identity I call my own. I wonder if this is just a Canadian thing....a North American thing. I think it's definitely a Canadian problem.

The 4 parties currently represented in the House of Commons:
Bloc Quebecois
Conservative Party of Canada
Liberal Party of Canada
New Democratic Party

Take a look at all these other parties past and present

Who am I in this political world? What am I? These questions give rise to all sorts of other questions.


I leave you with a little quote from the Manifesto of the Commnist Party:
"The bourgeois sees in his wife a mere instrument of production. He hears that the instruments of production are to be exploited in common, and, naturally, can come to no other conclusion than that the lot of being in common to all will likewise fall to the women....The Communists have no need to introduce community of women; it has existed almost from time immemorial." (Marx)

Soft Despotism and Rambling

I am in deep appreciation mode for Alexis de Tocqueville's "Democracy in America" ( well the abridged 2 volume edition). At the moment I am writing my final short paper for my civ 291 class before the big research paper. I chose to write about Tocqueville's new fears of that democratic nations such as the U.S. allow for this new type of despotism which rots the brain of the people as the people continue to praise it for beneficial. The few sections we've read for class are unbelievable, I can totally admit the slight intellectual crush I have on this 19th century Frenchman.

"After having thus successively taken each member of the community in its powerful grasp and fashioned him at will, the supreme power then extends its arm over the whole community. It covers the surface of society with a network of small complicated rules, minute and uniform, through which the most original minds and the most energetic characters cannot penetrate, to rise above the crowd. The will of man is not shattered, but softened, bent, and guided; men are seldom forced by it to act, but they are constantly restrained from acting. Such a power does not destroy, but it prevents existence; it does not tyrannize, but it compresses, enervates, extinguishes, and stupefies a people, till each nation is reduced to nothing better than a flock of timid and industrious animals, of which the government is the shepherd." (Vol II, Pt IV,Ch VI)

I am so lucky to be exposed to such captivating texts at the LAC (ok..Kant and Hegel are not captivating...sue me!).

So I haven't been doing much exploring lately as I seem to be sick again; which I am definitely attributing to babysitting a sick 3 year old. But I have been baking a lot more, recently I made a lemon sponge cake with a vanilla butter cream frosting. I have also suprisingly started eating chicken again. I never stopped but I did grimace whenever I was given chicken since I really don't enjoy it. But with my gas stove and fresh supply of chicken breasts and Kosher Cornish Rock Hens (supplied by my mummy) I have rediscovered my love of chickens. Yay? sure.

my meanderings and musings have been non-existent lately, perhaps it's the cold dead of winter slowing me down. But spring is almost here and the sun has decided to start peaking through with more regularity. I am hopeful.

so very hopeful...